Trailer Review: Max Payne!

"Remember when you were a kid, and you held your breath as you ran past the Graveyard?"

Written By JoeRo

The truth is, video game adaptations are not the most beloved genre, and their filmmakers have a historic streak of stomping on my heart, over and again. However, I feel some good vibrations (feel it! feel it!) from this look at "Max Payne". Wahlly's voice in the opening is shockingly remniscient of Stallone's gravelly vocals in Cobra, but coated in more disdain. The music and visuals bring me back to my sophomore year in high school, when I ravaged the entirety of Max Payne's nemeses through the aid of cheat codes and a lacking social life. What I enjoy most about the trailer is that the editors sell this vengeance tale primarily as a dark crime drama, but still send the message that Max Payne has a nauseating hit list.

I can't believe I'm thinking this but, I'm actually excited for a Mark Wahlburg picture. Don't get me wrong, I loved Wahlly's supporting role in "The Departed", but other than "Boogie Nights" I can never get on board with Marky Mark being the lead. I'm thinking that of all his leading roles, he must identify with Max the most. I mean, who wouldn't be out for vengeance after starring in M. Night Shammalammadingdong's latest wasted opportunity.

Regardless of any trailer nitpickings, one final tidbit that gives me hope is that "Max Payne" has nothing to do with either Uwe Boll or Paul Anderson.

Review: Psych Season 3, Episode 2, "Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?"

Psych

Written By Steve

Score: 8/10 (Good!)

Bottom Line: Watch It

To-The-Point: Psych makes a leap towards recapturing the magic of the first two seasons, while providing a few sweet emotional moments. Although the mystery is somewhat lacking and viewers need a Master's Degree in 80's movie trivia to understand much of the humor, Psych delivers a solid episode that should attract hardcore fans, new viewers, and John Hughes devotees.

Complete Truth: Even if you've only seen an episode or two of Psych, you are probably aware that the writing tends to favor references to all things 80's. Many modern shows and marketing techniques target this nostalgic period, but at least it makes sense with the characters on Psych, unlike other shows. This episode is dedicated exclusively to every person that has pumped their fist in triumph to Simple Minds' Don't You (Forget About Me), skipped school to drive a 1961 Ferrari to Chicago, or tried to use their computer to engineer the woman of their dreams (I know I have).

"Murder?" seems to have been written primarily on the basis of finding a setting and storyline to force in as many 80s references as possible, as the plot of the episode involves Shawn and Gus attending their conveniently and awkwardly-timed 13th-year high school reunion. Shawn doesn't seem to remember much from high school, probably since he was too busy watching Sixteen Candles and TGIF among other things, but he soon recognizes a familiar face - Abigail, the girl that got away. It's here that the murder mystery is brought into focus, with Shawn luckily(?) finding himself in the right place at the right time to witness a body fall from the roof.


Hail to the Prom King, baby.

It's obvious that the writers, actors, and director of "Murder?" had a blast with this episode, as many iconic scenes from classic films are replicated throughout. Every aspect of the episode - from characters to settings to jokes - is an homage to the pop culture of a time when guys looked like girls and girls looked like...hell, even I don't know. Besides the main murder mystery, subplots explore several characters and further develop their personalities. Shawn is heartbroken about a poor decision that altered his life forever, Gus believes that he's a failure, and Jules tries to find Lassiter a date. "Murder?" balances humor and emotion with much more grace than the previous episode, mixing witty banter and observations with sweet moments mainly revolving around Shawn - talking about life with his father, realizing he is falling in love with Jules, and finally giving Gus his due.

With clever jabs at pop culture, plenty of sentimental moments, and an exploration into the past of our characters, Psych recovers from a mediocre season premiere to deliver a solid return to form of Shawn and Gus solving a murder mystery. Although the humor could've been expanded to include other targets and the mystery wasn't exactly tough to figure out, Psych still delivers.



Side Note: Miss the pineapple? There are actually multiple pineapples - all found on the refreshment and sign-in tables at the beginning of the episode.

Created by Steve Franks
Written by Steve Franks
Directed by Steve Surjik
Starring James Roday, Dule Hill, Corbin Bernsen, Kirsten Nelson, Timothy Omundson, Maggie Lawson, and Cybill Shepherd

Fridays at 10:00 pm EST on the USA Network

Review: The X-Files: I Want To Believe!

The X-Files: I Want To Believe

Written By Steve

Score: 4/10 (Underwhelming!)

Bottom Line: Save Your Money

To-The-Point: What should've been a glorious return to form for The X-Files, viewers are reminded why the show was cancelled in an effort that is too little, too late. With a boring story that would've barely worked on TV, a lack of suspense/mystery, and mundane repetitious dialogue, I Want To Believe should've been renamed I Want My Money Back.

Complete Truth: Who asked for this movie?

...besides David Duchovny, of course.

The X-Files hobbled off television over 6 years ago, hampered by boring new characters, tons of lame spin-offs, and a lack of fresh material. Despite the rough final seasons, people still look back fondly at the show's influence and impact throughout the 90s. I Want To Believe, however, hopes to wreck your memories like a clown at a birthday party with a horribly uninteresting movie that feels disjointed and outdated.

The instant IWTB appears onscreen, it's obvious that the poor directing and editing ruin any cinematic hopes you might've had. Throughout the running time, the entire affair reeks of its television influence as no moment even approaches the larger-than-life feel that modern cinema demands. It's as if Chris Carter found an old unproduced X-Files script for a monster-of-the-week episode underneath his naked Gillian Anderson photos and decided to convert it into a screenplay by padding the story with repetitive dialogue and uneventful detective work.


See, Scully? We wouldn't have gotten such a shitty review on AverageMovieGuy.com if you had only slept with him!

There are far too many cliches scattered throughout, from Mulder's first appearance as a scruffy-faced recluse posting news clippings on the wall to the introduction of a priest that is also a pedophile (it's quite disturbing that such a character has become a stereotype). Mulder and Scully seem to have the same plodding conversation several times, as Carter assumes we haven't realized over the past 15 years that Mulder wants to believe and Scully doesn't. Mulder's inclusion in the case never makes sense, as the FBI feels the need to hunt him down simply because a single agent is missing and he's dealt with psychics in the past. Scully's side story could've been lifted from a lame episode of ER or House, and it never truly coincides in a satisfactory manner with the rest of the movie - it only made me realize how scary surgery can be, since a professionl such as Scully researches medical conditions and treatments on Google the day before surgery.

With no suspense and only a few minutes of action, the entire film relies on a captivating mystery to drive the story forward. Instead, we are "treated" to a small-scale tale that can be pieced together by the film's midpoint, involving mad doctors performing surgeries on unwilling victims. (I wonder if they used Google, too?) Although the film does raise a few interesting questions regarding faith and redemption, the stakes are simply not high enough and there isn't enough story to justify a feature-length film. There are moments where Carter could've significantly increased the suspense and excitement, but he mishandles these chances and bumbles through the proceedings like a first-time, low-budget filmmaker. There are absolutely no surprises contained within, moments are directly ripped off from films such as Se7en, and chase scenes are abruptly cut to make room for akward humor that includes the suggestion that George W. Bush is an alien.

Outside of some decent acting, hints of a Mulder/Scully romance, and a few brief references to the show, there is absolutely no reason for this film to exist. The truth isn't out there, it's right here: The X-Files is dead.

Side Note: Stay after the credits to witness...Mulder and Scully on a row boat headed towards a tropical island?! That would be horrible enough, but then they go and break the fourth wall by waving at the camera...

The X-Files: I Want To Believe, a 20th Century Fox release, is Rated PG-13 for violent and disturbing content and thematic material.

Total running time is 100 minutes.

Starring David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly, and Xzibit. Written by Frank Spotnitz and Christ Carter. Directed by Chris Carter.