I know I complain that most Hollywood movies fall into three categories - sequels, remakes, and adaptations - so I should be thrilled that this week presents us with an early Christmas gift of three original movies, right?
Sigh...yeah, they sure look amazing...
...ly terrible. I don't want to be a Scrooge, but Fred Claus looks like a garbage rip-off of Elf, Lions For Lambs looks to cure my insomnia with its boring elderly actors (sorry, Tom Cruise, but your time has come and gone), and P2 looks like...well, I'd rather not say.*
So, don't blame me if you're one of the people that pushes these movies into the top 10 by wasting half your paycheck on tickets and popcorn, just remember that your hard earned money is allowing those actors and filmmakers to make millions, while also tempting them into creating an even crappier sequel. And if you happen to like any of those movies, well...you're the type of person that finds Everybody Loves Raymond hilarious, aren't you? You could always thank me for lowering your expectations by sending me a donation!
That wasn't a joke. College is much too expensive.
Enjoy the weekend...and try to enjoy whatever movie your kids, parents, or mistress drags you to.
* Actually, I would love to tell you about it in my review! After all, instead of watching this trash you could save your money for Christmas presents...or a quick trip to the strip club. Whatever your kids prefer.
BOX OFFICE PREDICTIONS
November 9th - November 11th
1. Bee Movie, $24 million
2. American Gangster, $22 million
3. Fred Claus, $18 million
4. Lions For Lambs, $12 million
5. Dan in Real Life, $6 million
6. P2, $5 million
7. Saw IV, $4 million
8. The Game Plan, $3 million
9. 30 Days of Night, $2 million
10. Martian Child, $2 million
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