Ay, caramba!
Score: 5/10 (Meh!)
Bottom Line: Save Your D'oh...er, Money
To-The-Point: The Simpsons Movie is a hit-or-miss film adaptation that barely manages to form a cohesive story while shoving its preachy political agenda down our throats. Although the humor is more immature than clever, and most of the show's memorable characters and locations are barely even acknowledged, there are some laughs to be had.
Complete Truth: Don't have a cow, man.
I know you're still going to see The Simpsons Movie regardless of what I have to say about it, so don't send me e-mails informing me to 'eat your shorts.' But as you sit down in the theatre after spending $30 on tickets and popcorn, remember Homer's words of wisdom from the opening scene of the film: "What kind of idiot would pay for something we can get for free, on TV?"
The Simpsons Movie begins with a bang, most literally, as we're treated to a short clip of Itchy and Scratchy in which everything from modern politics to you, the viewer, is skewered and poked fun of. Entirely meaningless towards the film, this scene ushers us into what has become the culmination of 18 straight years of animated bliss - which, unfortunately, wastes the talents of 11 separate screenwriters and only serves to highlight the diminishing quality of storytelling in the past five years of the show. Looks like they should've watched South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut and taken some notes.
As the first act unfolds on the big screen, it appears as if everything has fallen into place to create a hilarious and satisfying transition from television to film. Within fifteen minutes, we've laughed at film parodies, jabs at religion, and unexpected male frontal nudity. Many major and minor characters make their entrances, supplying us with memorable quotes (Ralph Wiggum upon witnessing Bart's penis - "I like men now!" or Homer as he flips through the Bible - "This book has no answers!"), and we've visited many familiar Springfield locations, including Krusty Burger and the Simpsons' house. The first act is so full of humor and wit while slowly weaving the many subplots together that, for a while, we're fooled into thinking that this zest and energy of The Simpsons Movie could be a resounding success. And that's when they propel the plot forward.
Apparently, at least one of the 11 screenwriters felt it was necessary to turn The Simpsons Movie into a preachy political message regarding the need to save our environment, distrust our government, and hate large corporations. It doesn't work. But for the next hour, we're forced into hearing all sorts of stale messages about pollution as the film clumsily waddles forward, replacing unrestrained joy and comedy with boring, forced moral issues. When Homer dumps a silo full of pig feces into a lake, I'm interested in the comedic chaos that will ensue from his actions, not in hearing why we need to prevent such actions to be helpful citizens.
The secrecy surrounding the film's plot makes me wonder if the filmmakers were trying to keep it a surprise for the fans, or if they were trying to hide it for as long as they could. Essentially (take a deep breath, people), Green Day plays a concert in Springfield where they inform the citizens that their lake is polluted so Lisa decides to crusade for less pollution while Marge becomes worried by a prophecy that Grandpa has in church as Bart becomes distanced from Homer because his father has decided to invest more time and love into a pig he has nicknamed both Spider-Pig and Harry Plopper who creates so much fecal matter that Homer has to store it in a silo that he decides to empty into Lake Springfield which results in an ecological disaster that forces President Schwarzenegger into placing a giant dome over Springfield to separate the town from the rest of the world (phew!). As the film lumbers forward, the plot splits into many separate parts involving the Simpsons family escaping the town, Springfield falling into chaos, Tom Hanks supporting the usage of nuclear weapons, and many more segments that amount to nothing special.
Slowly, the film drags through its short running time while not only abandoning most of the side characters we've grown to love over 18 years, but even the town of Springfield itself. If you've ever wanted to watch ten straight minutes of the Simpsons family trapped alone in Alaska with no compelling reason to move the plot forward as the screenwriters force another message down your throat, here's your chance.
But, if the main storyline wasn't boring enough for you, the screenwriters have been kind enough to toss in almost a dozen cliched subplots that serve no purpose and go absolutely nowhere! Lisa has a love interest. Bart views Flanders as a more loving man than his own father. Marge becomes distanced by Homer's selfishness. Homer needs to save Springfield to save himself. Grandpa has a prophecy from God. And so on, and so on... There's so much going on here that everything in the film suffers, which in turn makes us suffer. All of the minor characters get tossed to the curb to make room for new, uninteresting characters such as a big-breasted Eskimo, a rich and powerful EPA leader, and an Irish environmentalist (who is NOT Bono's son). By the end of the film, you'll be wondering why McBain has been turned into President Schwarzenegger, or more importantly, where the hell has Homer's pet Spider-Pig gone?
With each passing moment, the jokes become less clever and instead rely on the film's PG-13 rating to pass stale gags as something we're supposed to laugh at. An example of some of the ground-breaking, cutting-edge comedy on display here: Homer flicks people off. What a riot! Also, Marge swears. Hilarious! Be on the lookout for other such gems as jokes about sex, fecal matter, genitals, underage drinking, and the grand-daddy of them all, a character taking a hit from a bong. Revolutionary! I was half-expecting an elderly character such as Grandpa Simpson to wander into a party full of black people, where a record-scratching noise would ring throughout the room as he began talking in ebonics.
In all actuality, it's depressing to witness one of the greatest cartoons of all time struggling to stay with the times, gasping for air as it warps its lovable characters into something unrecognizable simply to obtain a "shock-value" laugh that would be better suited for South Park or Family Guy. By the time we've reached the ridiculously overdone climax, in which one of our beloved side characters finally gets some onscreen time only so he can die for a cheap laugh, we ourselves are left gasping for air from the underwhelming writing that has been displayed for the past hour, if only because the first act was so hilarious and so promising.
To paraphrase a quote from Apu with regards to the possibility of The Simpsons Movie Sequel, "thank you, don't come again."
Side Note: Stick around during the credits for Maggie's "first" word. And, if you feel the same way about this film as I did, it's a word you won't want to hear. It's cheap, it's tacky, and it's a rip-off to fans.
Worst. Simpsons. Movie. Ever.
"C'mon, Spider-Pig! I promise I'll never eat bacon again! Mmmm...bacon..."
The Simpsons Movie, a 20th Century Fox release, is rated PG-13 for "irreverent humor throughout."
Total running time is 86 minutes.
Featuring the voices of Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Hank Azaria, and Harry Shearer. Screenplay by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, Al Jean, Ian Maxstone-Graham, George Meyer, David Mirkin, Mike Reiss, Mike Scully, Matt Selman, John Swartzwelder and Jon Vitti. Directed by David Silverman.
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