Do you know how I know you're gay?
Score: 3/10 (Cruddy!)
Bottom Line: Save Your Money
To-The-Point: I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is an unsuccessful attempt to marry the stale formula and tired jokes of an Adam Sandler movie with social messages about tolerance and acceptance. Not sincere enough to please gay rights activists, and not funny enough to satisfy anybody, this film is a complete waste of talent.
Complete Truth: To paraphrase a quote from Adam Sandler's first film, Billy Madison:
"Mr. Sandler, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen. At no point in your rambling, incoherent film were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having watched it. I award you a '3 out of 10,' and may God have mercy on your soul."
It's no small feat for a movie to be declared as "Adam Sandler's Worst Film," as there is plenty of competition with the likes of The Longest Yard, Little Nicky, and Mr. Deeds floating around out there. But somehow, a film written by the screenwriters of Sideways, About Schmidt, and Election (while featuring legendary comedic actors such as Dan Aykroyd and Steve Buscemi) manages to take the crown.
Where to begin?
New York firefighters Chuck Levine (Adam Sandler) and Larry Valentine (Kevin James) are heterosexual buddies, completely different in every way except for their sexual preferences. When Larry discovers that, due to some legal mishaps regarding his wife's death, his children cannot be named as his life insurance beneficiaries, he convinces Chuck to - what else - become his domestic partner so that his children may earn his benefits if he dies. Thank God that Larry conveniently saved Chuck's life minutes earlier in the film!
But such a brilliant, sure-fire plan soon comes under review by city bureaucrat Clinton Fitzer (Steve Buscemi), whom suspects fraud from the supposedly gay couple that includes a once-married family man and a womanizing bachelor that has been accused of sleeping with multiple women and 'anything in a skirt.' Chuck and Larry must enlist the aid of lawyer Alex McDonough (Jessica Beil) and convince everybody of their homosexuality as the case becomes a city-wide issue. But it won't be easy, as bumbling mishaps and comedic misunderstandings will be sure to ensue! Sigh...
Don't be fooled by the potentially clever plot, as I Now Pronounce... quickly devolves into the standard Sandler formula. What exactly does that mean? Basically, Sandler's character has to prove he can accomplish a task that most people could perform in their sleep, earn the love of the sole female character, and solve all of his problems in front of a large group of people in court. And don't forget the requisite cameos from Rob Schneider, Nick Swardson, David Spade, and any other desperate "actor" willing to have their name dragged through the mud for a quick paycheck.
The contrived friendship between Chuck and Larry is the focal point of the film, yet these two men have no connection whatsoever. Essentially, Chuck is a Yankees fan while Larry is a Mets fan. Chuck is possibly the least-likable "hero" in any film this year, as we are supposed to sympathize with a whiny, homophobic womanizer that mocks Larry's love for his late wife while impersonating her voice in that annoying tone only Sandler could pass off as humorous. Larry, meanwhile, mopes around in self-pity for a wife that died three years prior while refusing to support his possibly homosexual son and attempting to commit fraud. Sounds like two outstanding best friends, right? Try watching them for almost two hours.
None of the other actors can manage to divert this trainwreck as their talents are more wasted than Lindsay Lohan on a Friday night (burned!). Steve Buscemi barely scrapes by with a completely forgettable performance that contributes no humor to the proceedings in any manner. Dan Aykroyd stumbles through his worst role since Christmas with the Kranks as his character's story arc culminates in a confusing last-minute speech, and witnessing Aykroyd joke around in a firehouse only makes me wish for Ghostbusters 3. David Spade? Throwaway visual joke. Rob Schneider? Offensive stereotype. Nick Swardson, Lance Bass, and Dave Matthews? Tired gay cliches.
So, with a predictable story and unlikable characters, what could possibly salvage this film? Being as I Now Pronounce... is advertised as a comedy, you would expect the humor to carry the movie through its running time. But, unless you're not old enough to see the film or have an IQ in the negatives, there is nothing fresh or funny about this movie. Fart joke? Check. Potty-mouthed children? Double-check. Somebody getting hit in the crotch? Checkmate (or should I say "Chuck-mate?"). In a world where we can enjoy comedies such as Knocked Up, why settle for humor that stoops to the lowest common denominator?
But the worst aspect of I Now Pronounce... is the manner in which it handles homophobia and stereotypes. To deem this film a hypocritical mess would be an understatement. One moment, we're forced into hearing messages about tolerance and learning to accept others. The next scene, we're supposed to be laughing at Rob Schneider's extremely racist caricature of an Asian priest. What?
It just doesn't make sense for a film revolving around the need for equal gay rights to reduce its homosexual characters into prancing, flamboyant stereotypes. Why does Ving Rhames' character, Duncan, suddenly develop a lisp and lose his toughness simply because he admits to being gay? According to this film, being a homosexual requires one to attend dance clubs, go on shopping sprees, and sing "I'm Every Woman" in the shower. Just don't drop the soap!
Overweight people? Displayed here as a hulking mass of blubber that has been reduced to sitting, eating, and farting. Successful women? Portrayed here as unprofessional sluts that either sleep with their patients (Chuck's physician) or allow them to grope their breasts (Chuck's lawyer). Poor beggars? How much do you want to bet that the bum in this film is extremely filthy and drunk?
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry fails in delivering any sort of meaningful messages, decent acting, and most importantly for a comedy, funny jokes. Combine this with flat directing, a completely forgettable soundtrack, and erratic editing that creates pointless scenes to result in what can only, truly be called:
"Adam Sandler's Worst Film."
Side Note: It's a sad state of affairs when I can admit the only time I smiled during I Now Pronounce You A Terrible Movie was two references to previous Sandler films: Chuck reads "The Puppy Who Lost His Way" in a nod to Billy Madison and "The Price is Right" plays on a television in reference to Happy Gilmore. You know a movie is in trouble when its best moment makes you wish you were watching a different Sandler movie.
Also, can anybody tell me what the reason was for having Chuck and Larry (dressed up as a vampire and an apple) attend the gay dance party?
"Hey, Adam? Is making me dress up as an apple some lame attempt at a joke, because I'm 'Adam's Apple?' You know, like the male body part? Yeah, my career's all downhill from here."
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, a Universal Pictures release, is rated PG-13 for "crude sexual content throughout, nudity, language and drug references."
Total running time is 115 minutes.
Starring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Jessica Biel, Dan Aykroyd, Ving Rhames and Steve Buscemi. Screenplay by Barry Fanaro, Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor. Directed by Dennis Dugan.
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