Hits Its Target...But Should've Aimed Higher
Score: 5/10 (Meh!)
Bottom Line: Save Your Money
To-The-Point: An utterly ridiculous live-action cartoon, Shoot ‘Em Up is a campy spoof brimming with absurd one-liners, a preposterous plot, and comically gruesome violence. The insubstantial narrative ultimately nullifies the overabundance of action, however, creating a guilty pleasure that exemplifies the phrase “style over substance.”
Complete Truth: Just when I thought Hollywood action films couldn't get any more over-the-top, along comes a film that features a shoot-out during a birth, gravity-defying stunts that leave dozens of people dead, and a moment where our hero shoves a carrot - yes, a carrot - through a man's skull while telling him to "eat his vegetables."
All within the first five minutes.
Before your M&M's melt in your mouth, you'll already know if you're going to enjoy the following 80 minutes of Shoot 'Em Up, a ludicrous homage to action films that blends together elements from Sin City and Children of Men - both films that also feature Clive Owen. After all, the film that caused me to use six hypens in the opening paragraph is called Shoot 'Em Up, not Bore 'Em To Death.
Mr. Smith (Clive Owen), a stubbly-faced loner wearing a trench coat, is eating a carrot at a bus stop when a pregnant woman (Ramona Pringle) shuffles past him in a panic. After a gun-wielding man chases her into an abandoned warehouse, Smith casually decides to save her by killing off numerous henchmen while utilizing vegetables, oil slicks, and plenty of ammunition – all while she delivers her child. After severing the umbilical cord with a bullet, the mother is killed from stray gunfire and Smith reluctantly decides he must keep the baby secure from Hertz (Paul Giamatti), a psycho businessman with ties to a gun company. Smith seeks the help of Donna (Monica Bellucci), a lactating hooker, and the couple ultimately must protect the child while discovering the mystery behind it all.
There's nothing quite like an action scene involving a carrot, two Oscar-nominated actors, and bottles of lactating hooker milk.
Shoot 'Em Up doesn't pretend to be anything other than a cartoonish display of violence, even drawing parallels between Smith as Bugs Bunny and Hertz as Elmer Fudd. Literally over an hour of non-stop action disrupted with a few hints of ironic social commentary, Smith manages to eliminate over 100 people while skydiving, driving a car, and even during the throes of sex. Although the action is constantly innovative and always fast-paced, the lack of a strong narrative quickly numbs the excitement into an omnipresent drone. Some of the stunts are simply too unbelievable, and many of the special effects rely on poorly-implemented CG that gives Shoot 'Em Up an unfortunate video game vibe.
Screenwriter and director Michael Davis attempts to keep the frenzied action fresh through unique scenarios and frantic camerawork, but all of his efforts are sadly restrained by an underwhelming script. With barely any exposition, the film hardly allows for slower character-focused moments that would've created stronger characters while giving the audience a moment to relax. Instead, we're thrust into a barrage of action scenes threaded together by a confusing plot that ultimately involves a U.S. Senator, bone marrow transplants, and gun control. Occasionally, Davis tosses out a refreshing moment where Smith laments upon ignorant behavior such as drivers that don't use their turn signals or mothers that spank their children in public, but these brief scenes are rather questionable coming from such a reckless character. When the main character's only defining trait is that he eats carrots, expect the missing emotional attachment to render the action null and void.
Due to such a bare bones screenplay, the actors struggle to deliver interesting performances admist the chaos that surrounds them. Clive Owen displays his best James Bone impression as he embraces the stereotypical bad-ass role, but his constant smirking demeanor make me think that he's really laughing at both the uncomprehensible story and the audience. Paul Giamatti relishes in the opportunity to chew up the scenario as the evil villain, exuding a maniacal glee through gritted teeth and narrowed eyes. And Monica Bellucci...well, she looks as sexy as a lactating hooker can be.
Granted, Shoot 'Em Up is more concerned about delivering one-liners such as, "Guns don't kill people, but they sure help" than an engaging storyline, but the incredible leaps in logic and reasoning required to advance the story will make your jaw drop for all the wrong reasons. When Hertz repeatedly locates Smith and Donna - from a whore house to a pawn shop to a warehouse - Davis simply explains that Hertz has the power to "know what people are thinking." Such a lazy convenience downplays both the intelligence of the audience and the plausability of the entire film, leading me to ask Davis: what do you think I'm thinking right now?
How about...5 out of 10.
Oddly enough, this picture isn't from the film Shoot 'Em Up - it was taken moments before Paul Giamatti killed his agent.
Shoot 'Em Up, a New Line Cinema release, is rated R for "pervasive strong bloody violence, sexuality and some language."
Total running time is 87 minutes.
Starring Clive Owen, Monica Bellucci, and Paul Giamatti. Screenplay by Michael Davis. Directed by Michael Davis.
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